Today was a good day. For the past nine or ten months I’ve been in burn-out mode, particularly over the past few months. Lacking motivation in the face of overwhelming work. The point of final burn-out is always when something happens to pull you out of your little myopic slice o’ life, I guess, and grants you a new perspective on what you do. This can be a bad thing – it can remind you that what you do is largely meaningless (or even worse, not just meaningless but harmful). But sometimes it’s a really good thing – it reminds you that what you do is unique and valuable.

  I think about how unhappy I was in school – not just in college, but since elementary school, where I couldn’t sit still for more than 20 minutes, the first day I ever received homework in first grade and the distinct memory of choosing not to complete that homework; going to the nurse’s office every single day because I was so bored, spending more time in remedial math classes practicing my “thoughtful” expression than I ever did on actually trying to learn math. I hated school. Mostly I hated the responsibility of self-discipline that school required.

I was really into William Gibson in high school, and I read Pattern Recognition when I was a sophomore in college. I was immediately drawn to Cayce Pollard. And to me, as someone who truly loved the internet and cultural analysis but had no context or outlet for what to do with that love, Cayce was a beacon. Until I read Pattern Recognition, the only thing I’d ever really wanted to do with my life was play music. CayceP came to represent my ideal future state – the person I wanted to be, from both a professional and personal perspective. The only problem was that  I had no idea how to get there.

When I graduated, I had no idea how to pursue that dream. I got hired as a writer at a tiny suburban startup in Chicago, quit after six months in light of a jefe-esque boss, spent five months of 2008 unemployed, and then, by some miracle, got hired by my first agency as a cultural researcher.

The agency world was a revelation for me, from a productivity standpoint. Having a set schedule, having tasks, having a PROCESS for structuring my days. All of it brought me both peace and purpose. I cringed at the idea of corporate America, but not as much as you might think – this was 2008 and 2009.

The next three years involved a jump to a new company, a shift in my focus from broader cultural research to strategic planning, yadda yadda. Lots of stuff. I work a lot, as do most people I know. Some of the work I do is not fulfilling, but some of it is incredibly fulfilling. The work I presented today – solely my own, something I’ve been building for almost a year, and something that I had the chance to present for multiple hours by myself to clients – falls into the latter category. It transcends the project, really – but the end product and reception of it was a gut-check, in terms of remembering where I started. I don’t really set goals for myself – I don’t have a one year plan, or five year plan – but the CayceP thing was an exception. Today I realized that I’m pretty much doing what she did. It’s so much fun, and I’m so lucky that I get to do it.  

Anyway, forgive me for this post – it probably sounds like gloating or bragging, but it’s not intended. I guess one thing I’m trying to say is that I was a fuck-up for most of my life in regards to responsibility and schoolwork, and I thought I always would be, even in my adult life. But people change and the world changes, and the things that you really loved as a kid (the things that made you unproductive or distracted or downright weird) might be the things that you actually get to spend your time doing as an adult. Not all the time. Not perfectly. I’m definitely REALLY bad at some of the things I do. But some things I’m good at. At least for a few years. I’m lucky.

It’s a freaking kite party

i’ve been really into taking pictures of trees lately.

i didn’t go anywhere particularly special today (because i had to go buy some chicken fingers - thanks a TON, tyler), just up into avondale and back around through east logan, but it was an unexpectedly nice experience. it’s really clear here today, if a bit chilly, and there were lots of contrails crisscrossing the sky (i guess because today is the first semi-decent day for flying in awhile?). the moon was also extremely crisp & clear - i wish i had taken a pic of it. anyway, it felt really nice to be out today.

A selection of sweet plants I saw today at the Garfield Park Conservatory.

Good trip today! I was out for about 5 hours though, so my ass is going to be very sore tomorrow (but then again, when isn’t it?). I was worried that it would rain all day today, but when I woke up I saw a grey haze hanging over everything. I rode up to New Wave to get some coffee to ease a slight hangover and was fairly grossed out by the weather - extremely humid & damp, but chilly at the same time. The worst of both worlds. Enough complaining, though.

I decided to head over to the Garfield Park Conservatory, which was having an ‘urban gardening fair’ for Earth Day. I’ve never spent any time in Garfield Park, and as expected, there are some pretty grim sections of it - tons of empty lots and factories, so much so that I felt like I was in Detroit (disclaimer: I have never been to Detroit).

I headed down Sacramento past North, Grand and Chicago, and then took Franklin over to Central Park, down to the Conservatory, which: wow! how great is this place?? Way, way better than the Lincoln Park Conservatory, which I have never been very impressed with. In Pittsburgh, I grew up going to the fantastic Phipps Conservatory, and this one really reminded me of it. It’s huge! There were tons of interesting booths and vendors set up for the fair, and composting demonstrations, and little kids playing classical guitar (badass). I bought some seeds & asparagus, walked around, and checked out the plants. 

The conservatory also has a beautiful Chihuly piece installed in a pond at the center of one of the greenhouses, these huge yellow and orange water lily-esque discs. Love it.

I took so many pictures of cool plants that I’m going to make those ones a seperate post. All in all, a good ride - especially after a very busy week. I love feeling more and more confident as I spend more time on my new bike. And if you haven’t been to the Conservatory, I highly recommend it - and it’s free!

today’s ride started out a little weird, because i’m busy at work this week (the perfect time to start a conceptual blog about doing stuff other than working!) and didn’t have much time to think about where i wanted to go. by the time i got out, it was already getting dark, so i headed down humboldt boulevard towards the park again. i’m realizing that until the days get a bit longer, these are all going to be light blue, silhouette-y pictures. no matter! i rode by the illinois national guard (i initially wrote that as the “illinois bird guard building,” as i was looking at the bird flying by in this picture). this building is also known as the Northwest Armory (cooler-sounding, in my opinion) and was built in 1940.

i rode south through the park down to division, and rode along the section of division called Paseo Boricua, the core promenade of the west side’s Puerto Rican community. until the early 90s, this entire neighborhood was considered to be a deadzone by developers and urban planners. halfway to western, i saw this garden/art gallery, but i didn’t stop to check who the guy standing there is (the traffic was a little busy so i was distracted). i took a detour down campbell, passed this store, then back up division to the flag gates that arch over division street. these huge things were built by city officials and community leaders in 1995 to memorialize the Puerto Rican workers who worked in the steel mills here (i think). In some circles the flags have been controversial - some people say they look like barriers, but they’re intended to be seen as gateways into  the community.

on my way back home, i stopped to take a picture of some stained glass on a church around armitage and humboldt. there was a service going on inside, and a guy wearing a crossing guard’s uniform over a suit was clearly waiting to direct the post-service traffic in a few minutes. he told me that the stained glass window on the other side was more beautiful (more green). he was right, but my crappy iphone couldn’t take a decent picture of it in the twilight. the altar boy-cum-crossing guard told me that this church was in its opening celebration week - they’d been working for four years to buy it, and it finally happened. he told me that it’s connected to other sister churches throughout the neighborhood, and also in iowa and wisconsin. “oh, like a midwestern network,” i said. he said yeah, exactly (but also in brazil, and europe, and new zealand, and australia). i asked him if it was a catholic church (no, pentecostal). and i am welcome any time (all the services are translated).

ahhh, i see what he did there.

1. overlooking the fields, towards the sears tower. it’s easy to forget how far south this park is!

2. the boathouse.

3. courtyard, gratuitous handlebar shot (oooooh yeaaaaah)

4. soccer game

5. i rode down to the boathouse overlooking the lagoon and walked out onto the dock. quack quack. it’s nice down here because you can see the cars winding through the park

6. i walked up to the overlook and saw the silhouette of a goose sitting in one of these things. i laughed pretty hard - HAHA, stupid boathouse builders, taking the time to put a fake  goose stone chillin (literally) in one of these cups. i walked closer and this thing jumped up and nearly murdered me! i took that as my leave.

7. i never realized how huge or fantastically great this park really is. tonight was chilly and dim, but there were still lots of people hanging out and playing all around. it may have been cold, but everything smelled amazing, as well. also, tacos.

8. i was also woefully unaware of how close the park is to my apartment. if this were ancient rome, i’d call this an aqueduct, but i don’t think they use a different name for it in humboldt park.

home again, home again.